CUPS —> EARS
Mission Statement
We are dedicated to improving the world, bringing peaceable relations and healthy interaction to all individuals, and improving male potency and female fertility by putting cups on ears.
Join the Revolution
(this kid is not high)
Instructions
Step One: Put cups on your ears.
Step Two: Listen
Step Three: :-D
Tips for Best Results
- Ensure that you press and seal the cups to your filthy mortal flesh.
- Studies have shown that long cups allow for the greatest concentration of Cupal Energies.
- Experiment with different Cupal Materials. Plastic, glass, metal. Some materials allow remarkable reinterpretation of external sounds.
- Experiment with different Cupal Textures. Smooth, bumpy, ridged.
- Try modulating and angling the cups to adjust the frequency of Cupal Input. Some of our oldest members report performing entire symphonies using cup modulation.
Sharing the Cups
How can you bring the joy of Cups-On-Ears to your friends, loved ones, and total strangers? Try these extremely helpful suggestions.
- When eating at a restaurant, take two water glasses, approach an unsuspecting fellow diner from the rear, and clap them to his ears. Reactions will vary; violent individuals may respond with fisticuffs, more mellow patrons may merely scream. However, the soothing, aquatic tones of the cups will soon calm the most enraged cupee. They will thank you.
- Start your own Cups-On-Ears club at your school, work, or place of worship. Whenever you come across a fellow member in a public setting, greet him with the traditional Cups-On-Ears salute.
- Call or write your Senator or House Representative and demand that pro-cup legislation be pushed through immediately. Shockingly, there are still regions of this proud nation where putting cups on your ears is looked down upon or forbidden in certain public or controlled areas (such as airports, courthouses, and asylums).
- And remember—PUT CUPS ON YOUR EARS!
WARNING: Women who are pregnant or in danger of becoming pregnant should not put cups on their ears. Do not put cups on your ears if you are earless, deaf-mute, or frequently confuse your ears with any other part of your body. Do not put ears on your cups. Consult with a physician if cups remain on ears for more than four hours.
